Trauma and Compassion

By Shlomo Maital  

        We Israelis have suffered a deep trauma.  The 44-minute video based on Hamas GoPro videos of horrendous atrocities has been shown to foreign leaders – but it is so terrible, it cannot be shown to us Israelis.

      Yet, this will not become post-trauma.  Here is why.

      For over 30 years, psychologist Richard Tedeschi and others have studied and documented “post traumatic growth”.   It is the positive psychological change that some individuals experience after a life crisis or traumatic event.  It doesn’t deny deep distress – believe me, ours is deep —   but rather says that adversity can yield changes in understanding ourselves, others, and the world.

      After nearly a year of deep bitter divisions within our country, over a failed government’s effort to castrate our democratic process, October 7 has brought Israelis together, to help one another and to fight our enemies.  Our foes thought we were so divided, we could be slaughtered at will.  They are learning otherwise.

       Tedeschi’s studies have shown that for many, not all, trauma leads them to know they can count on others for help; brings a sense of closeness with others; more willingness to express emotions; shapes new paths in life; brings new interests; makes us more self-reliant; and brings deeper understanding of spiritual matters, amng others.

        I believe many of us Israelis have experienced all of the above, and then some.  We have become more compassionate toward one another, while becoming more implacable toward our enemies.

         In 1967, author Chaim Potok wrote a novel, The Chosen. It was about a rabbi’s son, a genius, and the suffering he incurs because his father never talks to him, except when they are studying Talmud. 

      Why is the father so cruel?  It turns out, his father sees the son as an “ilui” (gifted genius, in Hebrew), brilliant but lacking in compassion.  The son, Danny, will suffer from not being able to talk to his dad – and in suffering, will learn compassion for others who suffer, too.  And so it is.

             We Israelis are suffering daily.  Some 240 of us, including elderly, women, children and infants,  are held underground, by Hamas and Islamic Jihad and ordinary opportunistic Gazans.  They are suffering. So are we.  And from this suffering, we are emerging as better people. 

              You do not of course need to suffer to be more compassionate, more caring.  But alas, sometimes, this is what happens.  Not always.  Sometimes.  I can attest it is happening to us.  We are emerging as stronger, more united, more compassionate Israelis.

             It’s a great pity it came to this.  And it is even worse our failed leader continues to focus on his own political survival, rather than on the people he should be leading – the worst Jewish leader in history, according to NYT columnist Tom Friedman.