Snail! Pull Over! You Exceeded the Speed Limit: 0.006 mph!

By Shlomo Maital  

      Leave it to the Brits to organize an Olympics…for snails!  I find this more interesting than many of the boring events in Paris (e.g. archery!).   The New York Times * reports that in the rural village of Congham, dozens of garden snails with huge aspirations gathered to compete in the World Snail Racing Championships!

 *  Emily Anthes. “Ready Steady Slow:  Championship Snail Racing at 0.006 mph”, July 25, NYT

         The course is 13.5 inches long – just over a foot.  The world record is, 2 minutes flat, to complete the course.  That comes to 0.006 mph.  

        With brilliant British understatement, Nicholas Dickinson (a race organizer) said, “it isn’t the greatest spectator sport in the world.” 

         I’m not sure.  NBC pays billions of dollars for TV rights to broadcast, at the Winter Olympics,   …curling!   People chasing a chunk of marble down an ice rink, sweeping ahead of it with brooms.   (I’ll take the snails any time).

          Britain has lots of weird competitions. Bog snorkeling, worm charming.  The snail Olympics dates back to the 1960s.  The event celebrates the common garden snail, now globally widespread.  (Will snails be around still, after we humans pollute our planet to death?)    Some 85 snails competed in the event, on a piece of damp fabric draped over a table.  Each snail began the race inside the smaller of two concentric circles in the center. The winner was the first snail to traverse the 13.5 inch expanse and reach the outer circle.

       “Ready…steady…slow!”  said the race starter.  And..off they went!  

          Last year’s winner, big bruiser Jeff, took the lead and never gave it up.  After four minutes and five seconds, it was official.  Jeff defended his title.  Well done, Jeff.  Jeff of course left a slime trail…all snails do that. 

          Nicholas Dickinson said, “..we do take this very, very seriously.  But we also recognize that it is slightly bonkers.”

          Kudos, Mr. Dickinson. No more bonkers than a lot of other things going on now in our crazy world!