Why Humility is So Vital – and So Rare Among Leaders

By Shlomo Maital

      There is a paradox among world leaders and politicians.  A growing number of autocrats are narcissistic, egoistic machomen (mostly men, nearly all) – a quality that once would have rejected them from the outset.

      Why are people choosing such figures?  Trump is not alone; consider Putin, Xi Jin Ping (the lifetime leader), Kim Jong Il, Viktor Orban…. The list is long.  Meanwhile, a truly modest humble figure, with minimal ego, Biden, has gracefully exited from the world stage (on Jan. 20, for sure). 

        I think the reason may be this:  In a world that is increasingly chaotic, a multipolar world with a renewed Cold War, there is great uncertainty. People seek leaders who seem certain about themselves and about everything — even if it is fake.

      A new book by a psychologist Daryl Van Tongeren sheds some light on the matter.*        

* Humble: Free Yourself from the Traps of a Narcissistic World.  2022 by Daryl Van Tongeren.

   Van Tongeren argues, and indeed shows, that “the humble enjoy a more secure sense of self, handle challenges better, and, indeed, are often the people we like the most.”

   He shows that humbleness is the happy medium between self-denial and self-obsession. “It gives the person with humility a true view of reality. “By seeing where we have room to improve, we can grow.  By admitting our doubts, we can learn. And by acknowledging our own worldview as one among many, we can truly connect with others despite our differences.”

         Humility is vital for connecting with others. And it has to be sincere.  There is ‘humbug humility’ – professing false modesty, while in fact praising oneself.  It is so easy to see through it.

         Perhaps the self-esteem movement, that focused singlemindedly on how and why we should value ourselves, our abilities, one that sold millions of self-help books, is partly to blame.   Those who are truly humble have a deep firm core sense of self-worth that needs no praising or inflating.    

         Humble people are truly caring about others, and listen to others with sincerity and intent.  Humility is I believe vital for competent long-term leadership.

         And by the way – the leading self-help book is the Bible.  Ever thought about Moses’ humility?  And how he led a bunch of motley slaves to become a nation?  But never got to bring them in to the promised land?  Read Deuteronomy, Moses’ amazing three discourses as he prepares for his death.  He almost admits failure… because the people to whom he brought the Law, the 10 Commandments, would, he saw, never truly keep them all, as they should. 

          Von Tongeren once asked his wife to score his humbleness, on a scale of 1 to 10.  She gave him a 4.  Wait, he said.  Do you mean, 1 is lowest?  Or highest?  

        Lowest, she said.  He saw himself as humble.  Those who knew him best thought otherwise.

         What is your humility score/  In your own view?  And – in your spouse or partner’s eyes?

(Van Tongeren was interviewed at length on Shankar Vedante’s Hidden Brain podcast).