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A Key Skill for Kids’ Success

By Shlomo Maital

        What is the one key skill that is most important for children’s success?

        Writing on inc.com, Jessica Stillman reports that “a team of dedicated psychologists who have been following and intimately recording the lives of more than 1,000 kids from the New Zealand town of Dunedin since 1972,”  That’s 40 years of research!

         What they found, summarized, is this:  “What is the most useful  [skill] for parents hoping to give their kids the best shot at a good life? Perhaps the incredible importance of building kids’ emotional intelligence for later-in-life success.  The best predictor of kids’ success? Emotional intelligence.

          Emotional intelligence  — EQ — is “the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions.”  It was popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman, in a 1995 book.

          Years ago, I ran a management workshop for Intel engineers and managers, in Ireland.  A very brief one-hour session, out of a four-day workshop, was devoted to EQ.  At the end of the workshop, we asked participants, what did you find most valuable?  EQ won, hands-down, despite the very brief session.  It was a skill that unlike thermodynamics or calculus, was not taught or even noted.

           Success requires that we interact, engage and collaborate with others.  Doing this well requires the ability to read others’ emotions and deal with our own.  In my own experience, I recall occasions when I spoke harshly to colleagues – and sealed my fate as a team player. 

           We teach kids lots of things – but self-awareness, a key first step to high EQ, may not be one of them.  For me – I gained some self-awareness rather late in life, doing basic training in the military, running a marathon (at age 42) and climbing Kilimanjaro. 

            I find that young parents have become really good at instilling EQ.  They encourage their kids to express their feelings in words.  Recognizing emotions, giving them a name, is a key initial step toward managing them.  I think this is partly why speech is so important for child development.  Prior to gaining the ability to speak, when young children can’t express their needs and communicate them in words, frustration results ..and some supersonic tantrums.

             We all know many adults who have low EQ.  They can be very unpleasant.  As grandparents, we can play a role, in helping our grandchildren to hone their EQ.  Such as, when we play games with them – and they lose.  I think one key reason EQ is so vital, is that the way we deal with failure and frustration is crucial in later success.  Strong EQ can help us navigate the perils of failure and despair.

J