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A Key Skill for Kids’ Success
By Shlomo Maital
What is the one key skill that is most important for children’s success?
Writing on inc.com, Jessica Stillman reports that “a team of dedicated psychologists who have been following and intimately recording the lives of more than 1,000 kids from the New Zealand town of Dunedin since 1972,” That’s 40 years of research!
What they found, summarized, is this: “What is the most useful [skill] for parents hoping to give their kids the best shot at a good life? Perhaps the incredible importance of building kids’ emotional intelligence for later-in-life success. The best predictor of kids’ success? Emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence — EQ — is “the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions.” It was popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman, in a 1995 book.
Years ago, I ran a management workshop for Intel engineers and managers, in Ireland. A very brief one-hour session, out of a four-day workshop, was devoted to EQ. At the end of the workshop, we asked participants, what did you find most valuable? EQ won, hands-down, despite the very brief session. It was a skill that unlike thermodynamics or calculus, was not taught or even noted.
Success requires that we interact, engage and collaborate with others. Doing this well requires the ability to read others’ emotions and deal with our own. In my own experience, I recall occasions when I spoke harshly to colleagues – and sealed my fate as a team player.
We teach kids lots of things – but self-awareness, a key first step to high EQ, may not be one of them. For me – I gained some self-awareness rather late in life, doing basic training in the military, running a marathon (at age 42) and climbing Kilimanjaro.
I find that young parents have become really good at instilling EQ. They encourage their kids to express their feelings in words. Recognizing emotions, giving them a name, is a key initial step toward managing them. I think this is partly why speech is so important for child development. Prior to gaining the ability to speak, when young children can’t express their needs and communicate them in words, frustration results ..and some supersonic tantrums.
We all know many adults who have low EQ. They can be very unpleasant. As grandparents, we can play a role, in helping our grandchildren to hone their EQ. Such as, when we play games with them – and they lose. I think one key reason EQ is so vital, is that the way we deal with failure and frustration is crucial in later success. Strong EQ can help us navigate the perils of failure and despair.
J
Clayton Christensen’s Legacy
By Shlomo Maital
Clayton Christensen
Harvard School of Business Professor Clayton Christensen passed away last week. He died of cancer.
Christensen’s main legacy – what he is widely known for – is the concept of disruptive innovation – innovative ideas that totally change the nature of an industry or market. This, of course, is precisely what startups do, and it took Christensen to show us a road map for effective disruption.
But I will remember Christensen, who was a deeply religious Christian, for his 2010 article, “How will you measure your life?”.[1]
Why? Because so few young people even bother to ask that question, and Christensen threw a spotlight on the question, while his students still had time to shape their career paths in its light.
“On the last day of class”, Christensen wrote in the article, “I ask my students to…find cogent answers to three questions.
* First, how can I be sure that I’ll be happy in my career?
* Second, how can I be sure that my relationships with my spouse and my family become an enduring source of happiness?
* Third, how can I be sure I will stay out of jail?”
In short, career, family, ethics. I would change the order. I would put the ‘relationships’ or ‘family’ question first. A career of disruption, in startups, necessarily takes a heavy toll on family life, and young people must be aware of this from the start, if they choose this path. When my friend David “Dadi” Perlmutter (former #2 in Intel worldwide) spoke to entrepreneurship students at Technion, he shared 10 lessons with them – and the first was about family.
And going to jail? It is not a facetious or cynical question, Christensen insists. Two members of his Harvard class went to jail.
For CEO’s who radiate arrogance, Christensen counsels, “Remember the importance of humility”. And for radical bottom-liners, “Choose the right yardstick”. Also: “Create a culture” – no, not corporate culture. Family culture. “Children build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works.” This is wonderful advice!
And – most important – Allocate your resources. “Your decision about allocating your personal time, energy and talent ultimately shape your life’s strategy”.
I wish I had read that decades earlier. After taking early retirement, I simply stopped going to meetings or committees. A vast waste of time. I should have done that years ago.
[1] Harvard Business Review, July – August 2010.
TIMnovate 