No-Fault Debrief: How the Israeli Air Force Could Help Your Relationships

 By   Shlomo Maital  

   The Israeli Air Force is widely known for conducting a thorough, systematic debrief after every operation – including training flights.

     The rules of the debrief are simple and clear. Find out what went right. Find out what went wrong. It’s not about finding whom to blame. It’s about learning, to do better next time. What can we do better next time? In a debrief, military rank has no relevance. All are equal.

     It’s a no-blame-game zone. There is a practical reason. If it’s about blame, then in the debrief, people will be defensive, deceptive, ambiguous and will hide the truth. And the truth, so crucial, will be the victim.

     If it’s about learning, without blame attached, there is a far better chance to gain important insights that could in future save lives.

     So to this point – it’s about flying planes.

       But what does this have to do with relationships?

       Suppose you have an argument with someone you love. Something went wrong.

       Who’s fault is it?

       That path leads nowhere, usually.

       What went wrong? What can we do better? What can we change?

       That path leads somewhere, to deeper understanding.

       Arguments? Conflict? Can you make them a no-fault zone?   Debrief them, like the Israeli Air Force. Tell the truth, because only the truth will lead to real learning. Use the truth to be better in future, not to place blame in the past.

       Wingtips nearly brushed in tight formation flying?   Who was the stupid jerk who got too close? No.   What did we do that created a dangerous situation – and how can we ensure that will never happen again? Yes.

       Easy to say, hard to do.

       Worth a try?