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Learn Life, Live Life: The Dilemma
By Shlomo Maital
The brilliant Danish philosopher Soren Kirkegaard once wrote in his diary: “life can only be understood backwards [learning life] but life must be lived forwards.”
This appears in Chapter 6 of his book Either/Or. Kirkegaard explains that life at any given moment cannot be fully understood. Time never stops. We never have time to fully stop and reflect on what we do and what is done to us. And as time passes, more and more experiences accumulate… so, we have a ‘life learning’ debt almost from birth.
Kirkegaard, ever a practical philosopher, tells how to resolve the dilemma. We should approach our lives not as problems to be solved, but as realities to be experienced. He wrote this around 1843. He is known as the father of existentialism — life lived as experienced realities.
I spent some 10 years working with senior hi-tech management. One tool I taught them was the art of the debrief – learning especially from a failure, something the military does especially well. I think we can all embrace the debrief. Follow Kirkegaard. Take a moment, maybe as your head hits the pillow. Debrief your day. First – what are you super-grateful for? Second – what have you learned? What could you not have done or said, or done better, or done differently?
I am 82. I learned the art of learning life (the art of the daily debrief) far too late. For you, dear readers, there is still time. It is possible to learn life more or less while we are living it. And when you do, you benefit hugely.
And about the image above? Llama llama? “Lama” in Hebrew is ..why? A key question in our daily debrief.
No-Fault Debrief: How the Israeli Air Force Could Help Your Relationships
By Shlomo Maital
The Israeli Air Force is widely known for conducting a thorough, systematic debrief after every operation – including training flights.
The rules of the debrief are simple and clear. Find out what went right. Find out what went wrong. It’s not about finding whom to blame. It’s about learning, to do better next time. What can we do better next time? In a debrief, military rank has no relevance. All are equal.
It’s a no-blame-game zone. There is a practical reason. If it’s about blame, then in the debrief, people will be defensive, deceptive, ambiguous and will hide the truth. And the truth, so crucial, will be the victim.
If it’s about learning, without blame attached, there is a far better chance to gain important insights that could in future save lives.
So to this point – it’s about flying planes.
But what does this have to do with relationships?
Suppose you have an argument with someone you love. Something went wrong.
Who’s fault is it?
That path leads nowhere, usually.
What went wrong? What can we do better? What can we change?
That path leads somewhere, to deeper understanding.
Arguments? Conflict? Can you make them a no-fault zone? Debrief them, like the Israeli Air Force. Tell the truth, because only the truth will lead to real learning. Use the truth to be better in future, not to place blame in the past.
Wingtips nearly brushed in tight formation flying? Who was the stupid jerk who got too close? No. What did we do that created a dangerous situation – and how can we ensure that will never happen again? Yes.
Easy to say, hard to do.
Worth a try?
TIMnovate 